Sometimes we're given the opportunity to experience something very beautiful and empowering with another human being and it's only meant to last a fraction of a second. We can either accept that moment for all it's quiet beauty and be grateful, or we can get lost in attachment never feeling satisfied with what we've been given.
It's in the getting lost that the moment is ruined.
We spend so much time trying to recreate it that in the end we lose complete sight of the beauty and, we in effect, lose the ability to appreciate any future moments.
What am I talking about?
Stop grasping! We all wind up in romantic situations but getting grossly bent out of shape gets us NO WHERE. Longing is just another word for attachment/desire and those are some ugly feelings. How silly of us to turn the product of a beautiful experience into a bitter, nasty, biting one.
It's up to us how we want to leave these romantic situations. Why most people feel the absolute need to end things in a hateful way never really made sense to me. What's the point? Did you really spend 6 months/ 3 years/10 years with some one to hate them? At the end of the day you can either say, Hey thank you for allowing me to grow OR FUCK YOU, YOU GODDAMN STUPID SON OF A BITCH! The second is such a cheap and easy way out. It takes a lot of strength and self reflection to end things harmoniously.
Personal responsibility my friends... It's so easy to blame every one else for our problems but if we ever want to be in healthy fulfilling relationships then we have to start owning up to our actions. It doesn't matter what some one else did to us. What have I learned? How can I be a better person after this? Stop using past traumas as an excuse to run away. Yeah some one hurt you, holding on and being angry about it isn't going to help you love some one in the future. Either you can face your demons and cast them out or you hide behind them.
I know what you're thinking "god damn, it's so easy to talk the talk how 'bout you try doing it."
So let me bring it home.
I am a nurturer. I want, like and in a weird way, need, to take care of others and there's nothing wrong with that. There is, however, a huge problem with using that as an excuse to neglect yourself. Can I really take care of others if I stop taking care of myself? NO.
I need to stop trying to fix every one elses lives and sit myself down and fix my own. Is that selfish? For a long time I thought it was. I want and need to be a better person so that later I can help others become better people. I can't really lead a horse to water if I don't know where the water is, right? but I'm going off on a tangent.
What else am I owning up to? 1. I'm reintroducing myself to myself. Hi, Jenine this is Jenine. Reloving, regrowing, renurturing.
AND 2. I'm TERRIFIED of starting over.... LORD ALMIGHTY! (<--my newest catch phrase) The idea of starting a new relationship freaks me out, cold-sweat-panic. But I'm owning up to it. I'm building myself up first, letting myself rest in my single-hood. I don't want to be one of those people who gets involved only to push away the person they've with because they have needless unresolved issues. Having been on the other end I'm pretty determined.
So, I've learned a very serious lesson in attachment. I've finally learned how to experience some one elses beauty with out grasping, without losing myself in it or using it as an excuse to forget about my own potential. I'm grateful for the amazing people I've met and the healing effects they've offered which is another crazy post for another day. But seriously people can be healing and that just inspires me to become a source of healing for others.
After a lot of self reflection, and listening to other peoples relationship problems, I've found myself asking this question:
How can I be a better person now so that I can be a better partner later?
Remember, we are responsible for our own happiness, now what are you going to do to achieve it?
Mucho amor Y paz,
Iztac Metztli.
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