Dreaming of Red Girl

Red girl is a 6 year old I met in South Dakota my first year supporting at Sun Dance. I've taken care of her every year I go back, the last time I went she cried and told me that she dreamt of me while I was gone and that some times she'd wake up laughing. Half way through crying she asked me to be her mommy. It broke my heart. I responded with, "Well, I can't be your mommy but I can be your big sister." To Red Girl that's my name. "Big sister! I'll miss you!!" So..

Last night, I dreamt that there was a HUGE gathering of danzantes, so huge that it was a lot like S. Dakota. We all slept in little blue tents all of us except for one person who was supposedly the most important danzante at the ceremony. I climb out of my blue tent carrying my water in my white and blue vase, wearing my white and blue dress. I'm holding Red girl with my right hand and as we're on our way to see the most important danzante I tell Red Girl,

"You're not allowed to touch my water, ok. Only I'm supposed to carry it."
"You mean I can't touch it like this?" and just like that she reaches out and grabs my vase around the neck.
I yell, "NO!" as soon as she's done touching it the vase shrinks wilting like a flower.
"I told you NOT TO TOUCH IT!"
Red girl starts to cry and in my chest I'm so angry that she not only didn't listen but did it on purpose.

Finally we get to the room where the most important danzante sleeps, there are three other women sitting on the white limestone steps. I sit with Red Girl and she asks me if I'm still mad, I tell her yes. I scold her again and she starts to cry. I start to feel bad, thinking that maybe I should of explained things a little better. Out of the small crowed of women I hear Red Girls mother say, "Maybe you should tell her WHY she can't touch it."
"You're right."
I pick up Red girl place her in my lap and hold my now shrunk and wilted vase in front of us.

"How can I explain this..." we both look into the vase and inside we start to see images.
"Well, you see... water is very shy and when some one carries it the way I do, you have to take a lot of time with it so that the water can trust you and not be shy." the images in the vase turn into to streets flooding with water, rain pouring, water swaying.

"When the water trusts you enough, it starts talking to you but if a lot people start touching it then it'll get shy again and it'll stop talking... and I don't want my water to stop talking to me."

"Do you understand now?"

Red girl nodded.


and that was the end of my dream.



Moral of the story... DON'T TOUCH MY WATER!

Actually I guess, the moral of the story is to explain why you can't touch my water. A lot of people don't understand or choose not to understand why they can't touch it and this is actually a good way of explaining it. Apart from that it might mean that the next time I see Red girl I'm supposed to talk to her about the water. And with that I leave you.

Mucho amor Y paz,
Iztac Metztli.

Loving Others.

If you were to ask me to define love I would say, "Compassion." If you were to ask me to define Compassion I'd say, "Understanding."

So how do we cultivate a true sense of love? Well, I can't really tell you anything beyond what my experience has been, so for me it's worked this way. Understanding: For the last 11 years I've dedicate myself to understanding my own heart. That meant (and means) being completely honest with myself. It meant forgiving myself, reminding myself of my true nature and manifesting it in my daily life. It means understanding and accepting that your true nature is a beautiful luminous nature. It means reprogramming your brain! For as much as our society tells us that we're flawed/imperfect/ undeserving, we need to understand that WE ARE deserving, we are perfect.
"Dzogchen: The already self perfected state of our primordial nature, which needs no perfecting, for it has always been perfect from the very beginning, just like the sky."

Once we develop understanding, which is essentially self love, then this magical transformation begins. We begin to understand what the Buddha meant when he said, "See yourself in others then whom can you hurt?"Compassion: When we truly enter a dialogue with our own hearts we begin understand the things that exist beyond our hearts. We begin to understand the heart of others. If I am deserving then everyone is deserving, everyone's true nature is inherently luminous and perfect. Having fully entered our pain, our struggles, our joy, having forgiven & embraced ourselves we are for the first time, allowed to forgive and embrace others.
I know what it feels like to be hurt, devastated, broken. I dove deep into those emotions, felt how horrible they are and because of that NEVER in my life do I want to be the cause of those things in some one else.
Having experienced joy/happiness I want nothing but to help others achieve that joy/happiness.
"Compassion is not true compassion unless it is active." - Sogyal Rinpoche. So practice compassion!

LOVE: Wanting others to be happy and when you're ready helping them achieve that happiness.

For me this is what Loving others comes down to: Understand yourself so that you can understand others, so that you can see yourself in them and therefore want nothing but happiness for every one who surrounds you. Simple? NOT AT ALL but with faith and dedication and a lot of work, the changes are real and lasting. Eventually it becomes part of your nature, just like breathing.

These are the pillars of my faith, no one and nothing shall shake them.

Becoming a Monk. (For those of you asking)

Notice that not once did I make reference to romantic love Sogyal Rinpoche puts it best, "How often attachment is mistaken for love! Even when the relationship is a good one, love is spoiled by attachment, with it's insecurity, possessiveness, and pride..."
Can you express the love I've mentioned above AND be in a romantic relationship. Of course, there's no doubt in my mind that it's possible.
I, myself however, haven't been able to succeed in that aspect and I don't think that right now, that's what I'm supposed to be doing.
I feel my best, my happiest, my most fulfilled when I'm free to express love with out expecting anything in return. Honestly nothing brings me greater joy. I can't begin to express HOW happy it makes me. It's the most genuine feeling I've ever had. Finally, I'm allowed to love with out fear, without attachment, all embracing.
I cannot survive in a life that is devoid of spirituality. Our existence goes far beyond our physical perceptions and all I want is to ground myself in that spiritual nourishment.

I love loving others and I'm not saying that tomorrow I'm going to be bald. I'm saying that I'm slowly beginning to unravel the messages I've been sent through the years. There are really only two possible out comes 1.) Dedicating myself fully to this path. Meaning I become a Monk or 2.) I dedicate myself to this path and become a lay practitioner (which are people who are still allowed to get married be in relationships etc.)
Either way I'm dedicating myself to this path so please be respectful, don't try to convince me or make feel like I'm making the biggest mistake of my life. Dedicating yourself to helping others is never a mistake.

With that I leave you with this,

Let your love flow outward through the universe,
To its height, its depth, its broad extent,
A limitless love, without hatred or enmity.
Then as you stand or walk,
Sit or lie down,
As long as you are awake,
Strive for this with a one-pointed mind;
Your life will bring heaven to earth.
Sutta Nipata

Mucho amor Y paz,
Iztac Metztli.

Neurotic whirlwind

WARNING: This is a rant, turn around now.

The last month has been really difficult. (Theme song: Help! by the Beatles)
At 23 I seriously feel like I'm having a mid life crisis.
This need to define, place, ground, plant myself in my path. I want to run away, bury myself in another country, I want to dance until my feet turn dust and there's nothing left of my body but smoking particles, let me get lost in a forest and come back 7 years later full of wisdom and ready to guide...

This has been my brain for the last couple of days,
Oh god, I need a job that pays at least 30 grand/I should be getting a Masters/I shouldn't be struggling to pay rent,bills and food and I should definitely have a bunch of fancy little cat toys for children (yes my cats are my children.)/I should be living up to my potential/I should have a name for myself artistically/Is this all there is?/I should be established and grounded in my spiritual path/I should be a Buddhist Monk by now/ full fledged water carrier/Why am I so behind?/Why am I not doing what I'm supposed to with my life/Why is my metabolism changing?/OH GOD PLEASE if I can't eat cheese any more I'm going to die..

Most importantly WHY ARE NONE OF MY 20 SOMETHING YR OLD FRIENDS GOING THROUGH THIS TOO?

Why, dear god, am I the only one feeling this way?

Apparently at this age, I'm supposed to be a broke struggling artist and I should just relax, take it easy, let go of the pressure. I can't relax. *insert flip out*
But why am I flipping out?
Why have I not fully stepped into my writerhood? Why have I left my hundreds of pages locked in my office, never submitting, never placing myself out there in that surrealistic writer zone. Where is my book? My short stories? My collection of Poetry?

Then there's the fact that when I was 12 I wanted to be a Buddhist Monk. Now at 23 I still want to be a Buddhist Monk... I know what you're thinking... "Wait, Whaaaaaaaaaa?"
I find myself in deep need of guidance and maybe this what it all comes down to. Needing guidance and not just in Buddhism but in everything I wish to accomplish.
I believe with all that I am that I'm meant to be here for the service of others and the fact that I'm not actively engaging this aspect of my life has left me struggling. The fact that the universe keeps throwing me a bunch of distractions and that I've allowed myself to get distracted has also left me disappointed with myself. This is something I need to do, whether or not I become a monk or a lay monk is yet to be determined.

*DEEP BREATH*
I'm trying very hard to remind myself that all the pressure I feel is the pressure I'm placing on myself. I might feel like I'm drowning, like I need to step up now or it'll never happen but really if I shut my thoughts up long enough I can hear the universe saying "Hey, remember the things you want to do. Start planting the seeds and don't worry it takes time for things to grow and that's okay."
Over watering doesn't help the process it just kills the plant... so... I guess I'll relax, seat myself in patience and trust that I'm being guided by something greater. I'm learning a serious lesson in faith right now, and for as much as I want to fight it, where I am is where I'm supposed to be.

Mucho amor Y paz,
Iztac Metztli.

Saving 5 Pointz.

Hip Hop culture has been degraded, stereo typed, and severely undervalued since the time of its conception and that includes the people who represent it. Now put those people together in a space where they're not forced to feel like criminals and what do you get? 5 pointz Art Center.

For those of you who don't know, 5 pointz is a 200,000 sq foot factory covered in graff from artists all over the world. Jutting out into the sky next to the 7 subway in Long Island, New York, it doesn't take long to figure why this place is so important. Here, in a colorful explosion of self expression, are the remnants of a history that text books don't take the time to consider. Here artists pray with aerosol, spraying letters and names that otherwise wouldn't have a place in a city that deems this art illegal. As usual it has to be crafted in a studio and sold in a gallery to be considered art.

So what's the point, why am I writing this? 5 pointz is in danger of demolition and it needs the support of it's community to stay alive. That means YOU.

Ask yourself, what's more powerful than the act of communally creating? Let's be real, community spaces are essential to the survival of ANY culture and when you take away those spaces from the people that need them, then you are in effect killing the culture. This is a living testament to graffiti as an art form and a source of inspiration for all the younger generations.

This is a place of refuge.

So Please sign the petition, check the site, enjoy the video and SUPPORT YOUR COMMUNITY SPACES! The amount of work that goes into keeping them open is insane and don't forget to thank all those courageous people fighting to keep them open!

Save 5 Pointz | Feat. The Dynamic Rockers NYC from TeCknological Productions on Vimeo.

Much Love,

Iztac Metztli.

Tlanextli. The beginning of a short story.

I want to place my head on your shoulders the way I used to when we first met. Back then the length of your hands felt like a blanket against my arm, we were safe in our friendship.
We'd wake to South Dakota's sunrise, the fog and the trees dancing. Little White River rising with the rain. Sundance was our sacred space, no matter how many people entered the circle it always felt like there were only two of us. We'd send each other messages through prayer. Your bear song taught me strength. I tried to give you humility through the rhythm of my water drum.

The first year we met you pitched your tent next to mine and asked me my name, I told you I had many names.
You smiled, the crooked scar on your chin straightening, "It's nice to meet you Many Names."

You didn't let me properly introduce myself after that, said everything you needed to know existed in the one I'd given. Maybe if I had offered you the secret of my name, the way you offered me the secret of your bear song, you would've had the strength for one last dance. It may be too late now but I offer it any way.

Today I pray.

The second we decide to live our lives is the second we're graced with the strength to accomplish and manifest our greatness.
I'm ready to live my life and it's scary but I have faith that I will be taken care of, "Look within, be still, free from fear and attachment know the sweet joy of the way."

Placed in the hands of our Great Mother, infinite source of unconditional love, there is no fear, no desire.

We're provided with all we need.

Fully nourished we're finally free to stop searching.

Allowing our bodies to rest in the water of her embrace, the true nature of our minds rises and illuminates.

Today I offer a prayer,

To all those seeking, may they bask in the knowledge that with faith and dedication they will find.

May those who have blessed me with their beauty experience that blessing ten fold.

May I remain present in my purpose, eternally here for the service of others,

A source of healing,

Free from negative thoughts and intentions,

Expressing love to all who surround me.

Free from grasping and the destructive nature of ego,

I pray that together we manifest our greatness,

Becoming sources of support and strength for each other

as we travel the paths that speak to us,

May we remain endlessly connected and emanating the truth that exists

In the love that we came from.

Om Ami Dewa Hrih.